Hell really is other people, the existentialists were correct. Whether it is actual others or the constant drone of the corporate television, it is an ache that I can’t shake
I remember the Pacific Coast Highway and the highways through New Mexico, Arizona and Southern California, when I could still feel Kerouac’s pre-drunk era inspiration just as I was entering my own lost era. When I still experienced time as it really was, outlaw culture wasn’t something to be read about yet, but instead an actual lived potential reality.
So why am I spending most of my nights waiting to wear my wife down just hoping to God and the stars she will kill the droning sound of the television and spare me a half hour to glimpse of the divine.
I thought of escaping to Cuba last night, the night before to Belize. Maybe I could have a mango tree and a hut like Bageant. I don’t know. With each ebb and flow of the sea, the great rapist thrusts closer. Everywhere.
Staring out over the few meters of visible sky I realize I haven’t seen Orion’s belt clearly in about a decade. I’ve seen it on TV though, Discovery, where one never discovers anything themselves.
As we slip into the machine will anyone speak? Or at least squeak?
Lying on the desert floor in New Mexico on mushrooms after a four hour bike ride staring up at the universe I think I had a better grasp on life than I do right now in my so-called middle-class “success”.
I think this is my sense of solidarity with Joe Bageant. Coming from the hill-billy countryside, to the subculture of the radicals and then to the middle-class, the first thing I said to myself upon arrival was: could someone get me the fuck out of here?!
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